Dr. John Tauer is a Professor of Psychology at the University of St. Thomas. He is also the head men’s basketball coach. Tauer offers advice for parents, what to watch for, and how to have meaningful conversation with kids who may be struggling with distance learning and now not being able to play a sport or be with their friends.

What are some things parents can do to help their kids cope with the struggles of the shutdown and having opportunities taken away from them due to the Pandemic? 

Talking with our kids about how they are feeling, acknowledging the challenges, putting things in perspective, talking about what we can and cannot control in life, and being grateful for the things we do have are all potential ways parents can help kids cope during the pandemic.

Are there specific signs they should look for that are red flags indicating their child may be struggling mentally due to no involvement in sports?

Certainly mood swings can be an indicator something is amiss. It’s easier for kids to be inactive, so retreating to their rooms and playing video games or listening to music may mask some of their feelings. Engaging in regular conversations with them, validating how they are feeling, and also allowing them to see that as adults we face challenges, and allowing them to see us handle those challenges with poise, perseverance, and a blend of realism and optimism can model healthy behaviors.

Not all athletes have a strong support system at home and their outlet and family is their sport and their coaches. What advice do you give to those kids?

Seek help. Simply letting a coach or teacher or mentor know “I’m struggling, would it be ok if we talked?” will open the door for understanding, empathy, and dialogue. Oftentimes, just talking about one’s stresses can take some pressure off and make things seem more manageable for kids. There are so many people in the world going through similar things right now, which makes it a little easier. Empathy should be easier for all of us, because each of us is dealing with pandemic-related challenges. It is not easy to be vulnerable, but the research shows it is incredibly helpful to have a support system we lean on  during times of stress.

Should coaches stay connected with the kids during the shutdown? What advice do you have for coaches on how to help see the kids through the next four weeks and probably longer? What is the best way for them to communicate? Individually? Group Zoom meetings? Texting or calling? Should they be checking in with their athletes? Should they let them know they are there to talk when needed?

I think each coach is navigating this differently, and so much depends on the circumstance. I think Zoom calls can be effective, but there is also a lot of Zoom fatigue at this point. Individual connections tend to be more meaningful, even if brief. Reaching out to athletes and asking how they are doing can start a conversation, particularly with athletes who are struggling. Asking specific questions such as “What’s one challenge you have felt during this time” can elicit more information that can help coaches know how to best help our athletes. There is no one size fits all solution. Frequent reminders to athletes that we are here for them, and reminders acknowledging the challenges, helping them see perspective, being hopeful and realistic, and allowing them to see us as a person who is also dealing with the pandemic on a personal level can all be helpful. All of us have choices each day – to focus on what we do have or what we don’t have – and coaches can be role models for our athletes in modeling healthy coping behaviors while seeing the big picture of public health as we all eagerly await getting back on the rinks, fields, and courts.