Three years ago, looking at the possibility of not coaching for a living, longtime friend in hockey (and in banking) and White Bear Lake High School girls’ hockey coach Jerry Kwapick asked me if I would consider helping with his team. For me anyway, it has been an unexpected love affair.

These young women are smart. They smile and they laugh. Once in a while, they also shed a tear. And they compete. It is an enjoyable change from coaching elite males. No one has learned more over the past three years than me. 

I suspect that when the girls read that I call this a “love affair,” some are going to laugh some more. I don’t think mine is the kind of “love” they are most used to receiving. Mostly because I hold very little back. If I think they have some criticism coming, they most often hear about it. I have tried to round off my “edges,” but anyone who has played for me knows that my feedback can come with an edge that is anything but rounded off.  

Last year, first game of the year, we had two team members crying in the locker room after the first period. One because she hadn’t played well. The other because a coach had delivered some criticism. My message was simple. One can cry when their dog dies, and we will all cry together with you when grandma dies, but we don’t cry in the room and bring teammates down because we don’t like what we got the previous period. To the girls’ credit, we didn’t see such an event again.  

After 10 games last year, the coaching staff suspected our uneven performances were due at least in part to team members being maybe too social before the game, especially during our off-ice warm-up. When the topic was brought up for discussion in a team meeting, most team members took their turn saying what they wanted to say. To their credit, they fixed it. We were consistently ready to play the remainder of the year. Good for them. In the end, our players are coachable, and they are problem solvers. They fix things, which is all you can ask. And if nothing else, these very skills will serve them well in the real world.

The group is an interesting group if for no other reason than for the diversity that exists within the team. We have some world-class students. We have two players that are finalists for the U.S. Under-18 National Team. We have ninth- and 10th-graders feeling their way through their first several varsity games, and everything in between.

I am told we have one of the smartest teams in the state (grades/test scores). Most are accustomed to getting very good grades. Hockey however, dishes out some C’s and D’s, which I remind them they are lucky to receive at times. Lessons, or gifts if you will, come in a variety of packages with an equal variety of wrappings. Some beautiful and fun to open. Some not so beautiful and not so fun. It is good to learn from both.

Our top skater is Syd Shearen. She is a future Gopher and a finalist for the U.D. Under-18 team that is traveling to Russia later this winter. She has so many wonderful attributes. She maybe doesn’t realize I am most experienced in coaching those that are/were the best players on their team. That is pretty much what I did as a USHL coach where just about every player who came to me had been their team’s best player. Often, these players have the most to learn about how to play with other excellent players. As good as Syd is, I tell her all the time that she has much to learn. I suspect she hasn’t had many coaches as hard on her as I am.

Our goaltender, Calla Frank, is also a finalist for the U.S. Under-18 team. With her in net, we always have a chance to win. The other night against Blake, maybe the best team in the state, she gave us a chance. The game was tied 2-2 in the third period. Blake was just a little too deep and strong for us. We lost 4-2, but I think we got better because of the experience.

And we have some very nice developing players, some of whom are going to play Division I college hockey. Others, like Ashley Renstad (one of the brightest people in all of White Bear Lake), are extremely smart, and are going to excel on teams of other kinds. Their future teams are going to solve real world problems along with other smart people. And she will do so with the grit of a hockey player. Understanding how to work as a team, how to lead, problem solve within the team, speak up when needed, etc., will help her and her future teammates serve as an asset to all of us on earth. I joke with Renstad that while I suspect I will be working for her one day, I just won’t do it for less than $25 an hour. Never hurts to start negotiating early.

I often wake up thinking about how best to help these young ladies in all of their various pursuits. My mission is to use this game of ice hockey to help each of them the best I can. I hope I make a positive impact.

In the meantime, we have a pretty good team, one that I plan to push in whatever way the coaching staff will allow me to push along with them. To find out how good we can be is the mission. I have no doubt that team members will continue to laugh, smile and shed an occasional tear along the way. I just hope that day in and day out they know how much I love them all and that I am willing to be tough on them to help them achieve what everyone’s goal should be – to be the best we and they can be.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for them all.

A St. Paul native and forward for the University of Minnesota from 1978-82, Kevin Hartzell coached in the USHL from 1983-89 with the St. Paul Vulcans and from 2005-12 with the Sioux Falls Stampede. He was the head coach of Lillehammer in Norway’s GET-Ligaen from 2012-14. His columns have appeared in Let’s Play Hockey since the late 1980s. His book “Leading From the Ice” is available at amazon.com.